The Delaying Mind
The process of transformation is wrought with distractions and pitfalls.
One of my all time favourites, as it seems to be the most cunning, is the delaying mind.
The mind that seems to be on your side when it suggests that perhaps you’re too tired to exercise this morning, after all you had a busy day yesterday and you didn’t sleep that well — you’ll exercise in the evening. Of course by the evening, you’ve had an even bigger day at work and a few wines afterwords to reward yourself and chill out, now you can’t really exercise after alcohol so you promise yourself the morning it is.
It’s the mind that tells you go on have another coffee in the afternoon, you’ve gotta get through this work and you just need some support, a pick me up. Of course you’re still wired at night and can’t sleep and then groggy in the morning, so better have another coffee to wake up.
It’s the mind that reminds you to do the dishes, sort the laundry, go shopping all while you know you need to be sitting down to do “your work”, you’re real work, the stuff that will get you moving in the direction of your goals and dreams.
It’s the delaying mind, it soothes and cajoles until you are under it’s charismatic spell in utmost agreement about how you can’t possibly get up twenty minutes earlier to do a morning meditation that will set you up for the day because you need more beauty sleep (plus you watched an extra episode of the Walking Dead last night).
It’s the perfect stealth manoeuvre because your mind is seemingly just looking after you, finding the easiest route so you can feel comfortable, relaxed and also in no way challenged through to transformation.
The delaying mind can get so good at what it does that each tiny decision creates the momentum to become a habit and before you know it, it’s a lifestyle that begins to define you and then my friend you have lost the battle and lost your way.
If it was a story book, it would be the moment our hero gets lost in the forest half way through his journey. Only instead of remembering his mission and fighting through to valiant victory, he sets up camp, just to rest a while, then forgets he was ever on a journey, living the rest of his life where he sits.
Delaying the uncomfortable tasks that will move us forward in life is the ultimate slow death, the kind of self deception you don’t even notice until you are so lost you feel you need to start at the beginning again just to get your bearings and it all started with that small decision not to go for that run in the morning.
The great news is it is super easy to win in the moment, not so easy when you’re thick in the fog. The minute your mind begins to think of in any way delaying what you planned to do, stop and become aware. This voice is no longer your higher self, it’s that trickster mind spinning the excuses that will keep you stuck. Super easy, just ignore it. You’re not going to be convinced it’s better for you because you know that this is the mind. Done.
Now if you’re right down in the thick of a bad habit, you’ve already become good friends with the trickster, he knows all your weak points and vulnerabilities, you’ve exchanged keys, he’s allowed to come and go as he pleases and you listen to his advise like a trusted companion. It’s going to take some will power to shake this unhealthy friend. But all it takes is one good decision, one single moment when you choose growth over fear, discipline over comfort, a slight move in the right direction. It will feel monumental, like you’ve had to stop a moving car and slowly begin to push it in the other direction. But that will be the hardest step, the rest becomes easier and easier as you build momentum in the right direction.
Usually the thing/person/habit you need to change is usually the very thing that got you successfully to where you are now, but that’s the thing with growth, it’s fluid, ever changing and the suffering comes from being too attached to what you must change in order to grow. It’s painful because your self identity is usually dependent on it in some way and if you change that, people may respond to you differently, you’ll have nothing to hide behind and let’s be honest it can be ugly and hard as change often is.
The most exciting thing is that you can transform any part of your life, no matter where you are starting, with self awareness and consistent action right from this very minute. Just make the choice and go.
Love El
